It's here...June is here.

Oh my gosh! June is actually here!! I can't even begin to mention all the things happening in June.
Garrison graduates. WoW! That's about all I can say for now. I'll be dedicating more to him later....
Cami and Brittney are coming here for a visit and to "celebrate" Garrison's special event.
Kelby has dance recital. (the girls will be here to see that as well too)
Project Graduation! Us parents have been working all year on this cool event for our Senior kids! An evening of "safe" partying with lots of give-a-ways for our Brandeis Seniors.
Girls camp. I'm camp director and this is also Kelby's first year to go. YeY!

Before we know it...June will be gone, because we'll be so busy from one event to another...

I love Summertime!!

My friend Julie, has an awesome blog. It's called: "Spice and all that's Nice", I found that she give's lots of give-a-ways that I've been missing on. I have to keep more in tune with following up on her fun things! Right now Julie is giving away a $25 Costco gift card. Check out her blog.

I'm again getting in the mood to do lots of "home-improvements". Brian has been putting up more crown molding and painting different parts of our home. I've gotten the bug to paint up kitchen cabinets. So...after looking up every DIY site and idea...I'm attempting it today. I've decided to paint them black. Wish me luck!!! It can't be any worse than these faded, worn out, 90's style cabinets that we've had! I'll post picts...
Off to do the projects....

Another: Texas Living Experience

Everyday I let Ace, our dog go outside in the backyard. My dad always goes outside for his usual walking in the yard as well. I leave the back door slightly open so that Ace can come in and out. Kinda like the "doggie" door. Well...yesterday, dad was sitting on the bench and Ace was running around, pretty soon I heard Ace growling and kinda putting his paw out, as to "tag" something... I walked over to him and said, "What do ya see Ace"...and CRAP... inbetween the wall of my house and the patio were these two snakes curled up together.
For everyone that knows me...they know my fear of snakes!!! I screamed!!! Jumped back, grabbed ACE...and told dad to stay where he was!! I ran into the house and called Brian! HELP!!!!!! While talking to Brian, the snakes scooted back between the cracks of the brick and the patio. Never know what's lurking....Welcome to Texas living!

Setting a Goal

I've always been blessed with very good friends. When I was 7, my best friend was Myrna. Myrna and I first met as neighbors. Our houses were back to back. We would each climb up on the top of our fence and visit with each other.

Myrna's and my family lived in Turlock, California. When we were 8 years old, we were baptized and confirmed on the same date. When we were little, we always talked about going to College together and that we would be roommates. Over the years we had our childhood squabbles. But would always make-up and continue our friendship. We both went thru our boyfriend stages in high school, but still continued our goal of going to BYU. After high school graduation, I went to Modesto Jr. College, Myrna moved to Utah to live with her sister Marie. One day I got a phone call from Myrna, she said that she wanted to go to Brigham Young University, Hawaii campus. I talked to my parents and they were totally supportive. Myrna and I both applied to BYU-HC and we were both accepted.

The following August, (1978) our bags were packed and we boarding a plane from Modesto Airport and we were on our way to Honolulu, Hawaii. The goal that we set as little girls was accomplished.

DATING...

I met Brian online at LDS Planet. Shortly after, I moved to Sandy, Utah. We spent over a year dating long distance as he lived in Lindale, Texas. We shared many hours talking, laughing and crying together over our hurts of our past marriages. Brian was my friend. I only wanted a friend. I wasn't looking to get into another marriage. (for Heaven's sakes, I was married for 23 years before, I wasn't ready for another one) Brian was so fun about finding things to do when he came to visit. We loved going to the Mayan, the Salt Lake Temple, the little playground around from my apartment, or just plain hanging out at my place watching videos or having a bar b que. Brian won my heart. His compassion and gentle ways are what I admired. He was kinda quiet and soft spoken. (I wasn't used to that). I looked forward to our visits and our talks. This is the man I enjoyed dating.

The Woman that He saw me as...

There are the saddened times when I wondered who I was? Even throughout the good times and happy times of raising little babies, and serving as a housewife...I would question my identity. Who am I? Am I only a mother? Am I only a homemaker? Am I only a house cleaner? Am I only a PTA member? Am I only Enrichment Leader, Sunday School Teacher? Am I only a stay at home mom who likes to do crafts? Am I only a cook, baker, chef? I think partly of my identity loss was because of the dysfunctional marriage that I was in. I never quite felt at peace at whatever I was doing. I felt as if I was never doing enough...or maybe doing too much, or doing the wrong thing...like, "Why did I spend $9.00 at Wal Mart?" I was questioned for life skills that I thought were perfectly natural, like buying baby supplies at Wal Mart. I began to question myself on making decisions. After a period of time, I didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. I began to have so much self-doubt. There was this particular time when we were living in Kentucky that I was the lowest of lows. I felt invaluable. I knew something was wrong with me, but I couldn't define what it was. I had beautiful children. I loved being their mother. I had high profile church callings... I took care of myself and thought that I was somewhat "attractive". But, I had been told over and over that "I was messed up, that I needed help, that nobody liked me, even my own father didn't want me...I was told that I was a lazy a_ _. Each day for months on end, I was told that I a f*****g B***h. In the evenings when the screaming would begin, I would either leave so the kids wouldn't have to hear the yelling and name calling, or I would try to go to the bedroom and lock the door, where the screaming would continue and follow me no matter where I went, and yes, the kids could still hear it from the bedroom. It was a no-win situation. There was no stopping or controlling the verbal abuse that went on .... Was I messed up? You bet I was!

This one particular time of getting in my car and leaving from the escape of the name calling...that I drove over to my Relief Society Presidents house, ... she became a good friend of mine. First, let me back this up....before I went to Elizabeth Goodsells home, I sat in an empty parking lot crying. I prayed and cried out loud asking Heavenly Father "How can I go on?" Where can I go for help? What is wrong with me that makes a man who loves me so, much so mad at me all the time?? At this time of crying alone in my car, my cell phone rang---it was Elizabeth. At this point I told Eliz that I was sitting in a parking lot, questioning my existence... Elizabeth came to me in a heart beat. She asked me to come to her home where we could sit outside and talk. "Elizabeth, I asked, What's wrong with me?" ---- "Oh, Honey, she said....nothing is wrong with you, you are an amazing person...." ...This was the beginning of one of the most "life-saving" triumphs. --- Months later-----After a grueling separation, and while trying to come to agreements of finalizing a divorce. I met a sensitive man who listened to me. He cried with me. Sometimes he just said "nothing". One late night, as we talked on the phone, We had this very long distance friendship~(I was in Sandy, Utah, he lived in Lindale, Texas. ) I very solemnly labeled myself. "I don't know who I am?" I felt alone, lost, and didn't know if I belonged anywhere or to anyone. Silence was mostly on the other line, when I poured out my heart...who am I? The next day, when I opened up my e-mail, this was what I found...from my friend, who listened and cared and who is now my soul mate.

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ARDY------- Do You Know Who You Are?-------------

You're a woman of determination and strength.

To Kelby and Garrison... you're the world, you're all they have to call "family". They look to you for strength and support in an unstable time of transition. You are their comfort and security. They depend on you for everything. ... and they love you!! You force yourself to be strong for them.

To your "adult" kids ... you're the woman who was their mother. You nurtured them and spoiled them and gave them everything you could possibly give them. You smothered them with love and service and charity and you embodied everything that was ever defined as "Mother". They have temporarily gone brain dead and are dwelling on the pain of the present, but I believe in their hearts they know of their mother's love and will find a way back into your embrace.

To people who know you... you are amazing. You've done the impossible and made it look easy. You are a survivor, someone who believed in herself and made up her mind to no longer be the victim of a controlling abusive relationship. You set your mind to autopilot and took yourself out of that situation, "loaded up the truck" and moved 1000 miles away. You still deal with the effects of that move and are still struggling with the consequences of that decision, but life moves you forward and you make the best of everyday that you can. You do what you have to do each and every day.

To Heavenly Father... you are his daughter. He loves you and knows you and watches over you. Sometimes you feel like you are alone in the world with your trials, but he knows you and knows your pain. He hears your prayers and blesses you. Maybe you don't always recognize the way he blesses, but he does. He won't fix your problems for you but will help you and support you as you work your way through them. He's given you strength to make it this far and won't abandon you.

To me... You are the most complete and beautiful woman I've ever known. You are the total package. No one has ever made me laugh, shared so much pleasure and joy, and made me feel so wonderful about myself as you have. I feel overwhelmed with emotion as I think about you being so far away, and beyond my ability to help you on a daily basis. I've never felt the desire to love, support, and serve someone the way I feel toward you. You have a good heart and a spiritual side that compliments the fun and crazy side. You enjoy life and you enjoy love. You deserve all the happiness that life can offer you. You've paid your dues, you've done all those things that you were supposed to do over the years for your family and now it's your turn. You've also been hurt and controlled and you are cautious and sensitive. I am imperfect and sometimes I say things that put you into "defense" mode. I never want to do anything to give you a reason to want to pull away from me. I want to build a relationship with you out of trust and love. One that grows deeper each day and makes us stronger individually. I need to focus on building you up and making you feel like the most important woman alive, the woman you are to me. I need you to be patient and forgiving. I just plain need you.

Ardy, do you know who you are?.. You are the woman I love. ---Brian

YIKERS.....

What's on your mind? I'll tell you what's on mine...
I don't know why I can't sleep tonight. My mind is racing of all the things that are going on around me. Not bad things...JUST STUFF. We're in the process of buying our home. Brian's and my first home together. Pretty exciting. Hopefully, we'll close on May 12th~ Besides buying a home...The other events that are fastly approaching...I'm taking a trip to Idaho to go see Cami's dance recital with her students. Out of all the years of Cami's teaching, I've never attended any of her recitals. (which, this possibly/may be her last time teaching in Rigby...no one knows for sure)

So, I'll have the cost of this little trip. Well, and then, we have another trip planned the end of May. Zack's highschool graduation from Lindale High.

Senior Zack

We've already booked a couple of rooms for a couple of nights. It'll be fun to highlight Zack for this special occassion.

And, we'll also get the glory of meeting Lauren (the upcoming new little bride) It's as if we already know her...but, we actually get to meet her personally and spend time with her and Skyler. Brian, the new father in law, has already made the flight reservations and taken care of the trip for Sky and Lauren~

We are more than way beyond looking towards the week-end in Tyler/Lindale for these two major reasons! But, wait, there's more... By the time we get back from East Texas,

we'll be working on and finalyzing the plans for the wedding. More traveling, a dinner the night before the wedding, Tuxes, hotels, lots of excitement and how are we going to do it all??

Did I mention that we're in the process of buying a house? I wish I could sleep...maybe I could get some tips from grandpa??

What a concept....
I didn't know about this blog thing...until my friend Jeni gave me her blogger address (Is that what it's called?) How impressed I was at all the time and effort that went into the blog and writing. And, it seemed that every time I read Jeni's blog, I got emotional. Jeni's writings just pulled me in and I was amazed at the connection I had to her "readings". What a concept! Hmmm... like I said, this blogging thing is new to me. Anyhow, back to my friend Jeni~ she is a childhood friend of mine that I haven't seen in years. I mean, like, we kept in touch thru the same friends, which by word of mouth I believe we heard how each other was doing thru the years... Ya know, like the big things:...babies, a new move, divorce, family stuff, kids etc. My bff Myrna always let me know when she'd talk or "run into" one of our childhood friends. Jeni was always one of the friends. ~ Well, here I am in Texas! (After 20 years of living in California, a couple of years in Kentucky, and a year in Sandy, Utah...) I've had major life changes--- I had a temple marriage in the Jordan River Temple, 6 beautiful children, (which includes a stillborn baby girl, whom we named Samantha) ~23 Years of an Earthy Marriage~ An Eternal Marriage sealed for Eternity, with an Eternal beautiful family. But, it was hell on earth!! (A marriage that was horribly unhealthy. Very destructive! (and I'd definitely call it abusive) Mostly verbal and emotional. And, it eventually lead to physical. Either, I was going to kill him, or he me. Either way, it was not good!! In the year 2003-2005, My life was shattered and torn apart. This wasn't the life I ordered... Okay-- I'm dropping this subject for now, I'm not really ready to open those chapters of my life up as an open book, I'm not ready to go there, not right now. I know I would ramble on about this, as if I would be lying in the therapists chair bearing my soul. It's been three years now, I'm in a different place (I found my happy place hee) And, well, I'll go on more about this as I get more comfortable and familiar with this "blogging" thing~ So how did I hook up with my childhood friend Jeni? All I can really say is...it's a small, small world~ As, I have this new created life in San Antonio, Texas. I am in a new marriage with the man who stole my heart. Who woulda thunk that my new step son who attends BYU-Idaho, would talk about this girl he was seeing. Her name was Lauren. The "cool" mom (tongue in cheek) that I am, I am on the websites My Space and Facebook (how else does a mom learn about what her kids are REALLY doing? Who they're haning with etc...) As I was looking at Skyler's picts of his snowboarding friends, I noticed that Skyler's Facebook had several picts of Lauren with him. When I saw Lauren's name, it was the same last name as Jeni's~ my long time, no-see girlfriend from Elementary school days... Do I say more?? That's right....Skyler and Lauren have recently gotten engaged, and woo-hoo...Jeni and I will be somewhat related! How cool is that???